Farm Fresh Blog

I told you, Fate has a way of knowing when I'm trying to quit the Starbuck's Mocha Frappuccinos. Yesterday I announced that I was quitting. 

Other Half said, "Let me know when it's safe to come home." 

Fergus, my buddy at work, said, "Again?"

But I am determined!  This will be the time - the time I quit!

I greeted the morning with no caffeine.  The sun isn't as bright without caffeine, but I trudged onward. Turned the ewes out in the front yard. (cuz I don't want to mow or fight the poison ivy!)  That required walking them out the barn, through the driveway paddock, and into the fenced front yard paddock.  It was windy.  They felt good. Lush Spring grass was EVERYWHERE! They were very ill-mannered sheep.  Border Collie earned her Scooby snacks today. I threatened to sell them on Craigslist but they laughed at me and galloped off.  Border Collie brought them back.  (HAH!)

Locked sheep in the front yard. Fed the horses.  Took dogs for a walk.  Briar, the Livestock Guardian Dog puppy, spotted a group of white cranes in the pasture - trespassing.  She took off.  They flew off. I was slightly amused until she blasted through the barbed wire fence to continue the chase.  Technically, they were still in her air space, and thus, still trespassing.  She chased them all the way across the back pasture.  I began to see the writing on the wall.  She was determined to catch the Big White Chickens, but was now so far away, that in the blowing wind, I'm not sure she could even hear me calling her. A couple more fences and she could end up on the highway. That's when a tawny streak left my side to race across the pasture.

Kona, The Enforcer, runs a tight ship. He quickly assessed the situation and decided that his particular brand of justice was called for. He covered a tremendous amount of ground in a very short time and intercepted the giant puppy as she was hitting her second barbed wire fence. It wasn't pretty.

Briar was freight-trained. She got up and spit the dirt out of her mouth. The Enforcer started to trot back home. He looked back to make sure she was coming.  She was.  Slowly, but she was coming.

Disaster avoided, but I needed a drink.  I needed some caffeine. Unfortunately the day was still young.

Gertie, the black banty hen who, along with Remus, the banty rooster, were survivors of the Great Boogey Beast War (that we lost) a few months ago. Gertie and Remus were turned loose to survive on the farm and hope for the best. It came to my attention that Gertie was missing.  Since I hadn't found a body, I figured she must be sitting on eggs somewhere. I hunted for that nest. No luck.  Yesterday my mother reported that Gertie had popped her head out to eat and drink and then flew back to the barn.  So I searched the barn again.  No luck. 

While I was feeding the goats, Blue Heeler came trotting out of the garage shed with Gertie in his mouth. I screamed at him. He dropped her.  Too late. She was already in death twitches.  I was pissed. Much to The Enforcer's delight, I cussed out Blue Heeler. That's when Bloodhound walked past with an egg. Then Black Wolf walked past with another egg.  Then Briar walked past with an egg too.  Damn! 

I went to find the nest that I couldn't find before, and sure enough, there were eleven tiny eggs.  Damn! Damn! Damn! The Enforcer came up with Gertie's body in his mouth to remind me that I hadn't finished cussing out Blue Heeler and could resume that at any time as far as he was concerned.

Just then, I heard Fate laughing at me. As I threw the dead chicken out, visions of little glass bottles of mocha frappuccino danced in my head.  Determined to kick the caffeine habit, I pushed the vision aside and stomped back to the house.  Blue Heeler wisely stayed out of my way.  Bloodhound continued to eat eggs.  (She is definitely staying outside tonight!)

Border Collie studied me carefully.  Something was obviously wrong, but she couldn't put her paw on it.  Heaven help us if she ever figures out. She will have a cold Starbuck's Mocha Frappuccino by my bedside every morning.  Border Collies are just that way.  They like Order in their world. And if it takes a Starbuck's Mocha Frappuccino to bring Order to her little world, well then so be it.